When your feeling like crap and something is bothering you are suppose to pray harder than youve been praying and keep going...right? Because this life is already planned out and our job is to keep going forward in faith knowing that everything will be fine b.c everything is planned out...right?
i am having the hardest time not bring any more "bad" days on my self. I know there are a certain amount of bad days i am promised in this lifetime so why make more happen than those that are already in the plan to take place?
Its funny how things go haywire emotionally and my response after praying is...i am tired, i am exhausted of dealing with negative shenanigans surrounding me and mine. But they are the type of events that you cant just cut off and walk away from.
i want to cry, i am not a crier but right now i sit in my office with tears welled up in my eyes ready to fall. I know i am not alone i know God is walking with me holding me up in this time where i am having difficulty standing on my own...i am fully aware of that...yet i still hurt.
Its gonna take some time for me to get passed the point where my being comprehends that i will not understand and it is not in my description to understand. I have been put in the situation because God not only knows i can handle it but he knows i will get through it and learn.
Until then i breath deep with the butterflys in my stomach make there move to tingle my nose and try to get my eyes to fill up so they over flow, b/c i can not take this personal...it is not about me and never has been its their problem and not mine...but my chance to learn and not repeat the negativity they choose to live in.
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