Love vs Logic

I have been having an interesting debate among my self. My heart and my mind have been going at it the last couple months when ever i have down time.

I have come to the conclusion many many moons have past and i have left the one i loved where he decided to stand as i kept walking forward. And during the walk i my mind wants to learn from what we have lived and my heart still has hope for what might come. and i am left in the cross fire.

My heart wants to believe in the possibility of love, intimacy from another, consistency, security and safety...but my mind is focused on living with no regard with such things as an option.

The biggest fight, I think weddings are great and grand for those want one, and once upon i did! I wanted that feeling of planning ceremony what i would wear and the colors that would surround us both along with the people and memories. But now i do not think i believe in the hype of a big, fancy wedding for myself. I see no pont in them in my life. and that's hard b/c that was such a sweet day dream for me since i was a kid and now its a dream that has withered away.

I have turned into to such a love hater too. That could be blocking the one to come into my life who would act on those things i have lost sight of...i realize that but right now there is nothing i can do to change that, so i am happy being unmatched and moving forward.

I am glad others are happy in who they are with and how their partners make them smile, and my optimistic nature wont let me be pessimistic about it so instead i just kinda hate on it...now i do not say nothing out loud ever, but i just get that ICK feeling. I am happy who i am and its nice being unattached, but i am not in a place where my mind could let my heart love and believe in the possibility of love right now so i hate on it since by nature i cant be pessimistic about it...dont judge me.

those walls people talk about built up around your heart are oh so true. And i do not mean to make it more for the one who comes next to have to deal with it, but at least i know what the key is, if that's any consoling factor. Its not attacking the walls around my heart, its focusing on my mind so that the walls fall, ya know persuading my mind and getting it to not only believe what my heart believes, but know its truth. And even though my mind is winning right now the day will come when my heart is back in the swing of things.

My faith enables me to be optimistic by nature, so my heart and mind are going at it for no reason...hence why i have stopped to listen to their fight and i keep walking forward ;o)