im having a hard time sleeping right now b/c something is weighing on my mind and my heart.
i have a friend who passed away last night, and i pray God is watching over his soul as he left his body here on earth. I am not one to speak ill of the dead so nothing i am about to say is meant to be as speaking but as more of a curiosity.
My old elementary school and high school friend was a solider, had a great personality and was also a junkie. There is no other way to say it. he had been using for years. And although we have talked less than a handful of times high school i am under full knowledge of this fact. How might i know...b/c my old elementary school ace-boon had his child and we still talk all thee time 20 + years later.
I am puzzled at everyone getting on the social networking sites making it seem as if they are shock by his death. How can you be shocked about the death of someone who was doing something that is proven to end their life dieing? And i do not understand people claiming to be his friend and his buddy but not helping him in that part of of life or all the other aspects that snowballed for him?
i think my mindset is jaded already though, as he had a wonderful baby with my child hood friend and then didn't take responsibility for what was his. Maybe i am uber jaded since i am in a similar type of situation. I had lost respect for him when my child hood friend described to me what she went through with him. To the point of taken him to court, getting the child tested to prove his was the father, and then the court taking away all his legal right to custody as they recognized he was a "user" but still making him give a portion of any money he made to his son! And yet after all this his family will not claim this baby, he never claimed this baby (so he never saw him, never sent a b card etc), and those who were his friends never even knew he had this creation on earth.
Now he has passed on and i am having a hard time. I am having a hard time b/c in my heart after i prayed that God has his soul, i was thankful. Thankful this baby boy doesn't have to grow up knowing his father never wanted to claim him. And as i think about it more, i prayed. for this baby boy, for my friend, for his soul and for those who claim and those who did know this man.
I pray this baby boy is watched over and is always loved, i pray my friend doesn't hold testament or anger toward those who show him more sympathy and empathy in his death than they wish celebrate the child he left on earth with genes. I pray his family deals with this loss and picks up the tie on the other end that they severed under full knowledge. There are people on this earth who know he still lives in his children, he planted his seed in a woman and his child grew to carry on what ever traits and genes and he was given. but the people who keep posting on the social sites dont know that part.
Maybe it just erks me that in death people become popular. I mean in death people come out the wood works claiming they knew you, they were good friends, etc. My friends know who they are, and i know my friends wont be boasting...but all those acquaintances the ones who think they call me their friend those are the ones i know will be blasting. Maybe thats why i feel the way i do now. B/c all these acquaintances are giving sympathy but dont know the whole story...cant blame them tho. They are given sympathy and credit for the man they knew, and its not their fault if he picked and chose what information they knew.
aight im outtie five thousand i am tired of thinking about to so ima lay my head down...so ima leave my status update here apart from the 5 million acquaintances that now call themselves friends on the social sites ...
" only you and God knew the demons you battled with here on earth, those that u concured and those that got the better of you...Rest in peace my elemntary school friend, may your soul be at peace, i pray that you knew the lord and his grace before your journey on earth ended. I also lift up those that u leave here on earth and those who have been effected by your presence in their time of grief, i pray your kids live life with God in their heart and they are able to have a good memory of you in their heart to keep your presnece alive when all others forget."
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